Last night's bedtime prayer

Lord, Thank you. Thank you for this day. The sunshine and the blue sky, the smiling faces we've seen today...all have been such a blessing.
Forgive the un-done laundry, the dusty mantle, the un-vacuumed carpet. I neglected them today, Lord.
But Thank you, oh Thank You for sidewalk chalk and bubbles. For tricycles and scooters. For plastic jugs to hold water which is poured and studied over and over. For soft grass and the "what color" game. For smiles and giggles made even brighter by the glorious sun.
Thank you, for this day.

A thought for today: Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, be it ever so humble...there's no place like home.

It was Mom's birthday

Yesterday was Mom's birthday.  The kids were very excited.  I think mostly to eat the cupcakes they helped me make on Sunday, but well before that they were throwing out phrases like,"this is the best party ever" or "this is a great birthday".  And then I wondered - was it?

My mother's birthday consisted of the following:

1 - spend day at school (during vacation) with om team

2 - pick up my kids at babysitter

3 - dinner of pizza and salad

4 - cupcakes made by kids and I

5 - presents and cards  (funny note here: Kate and I shopped for separate gifts and didn't speak to each other regarding the details of what we had gotten.  I got two candles for her - one green and one pink. Kate got her new placemats, green with pink flowers - just so funny that we coordinated with out even discussing it)

I certainly hope that the hurried "celebration" was enough to let her know that she is loved and so important to us.  My Mom turned  57 yesterday, which gives me about three years to plan something truly special for a truly special person on her next milestone.

The Space Between...me and my kids

...seems to great.  In more ways than one.

First, of course, I regret the time that I do not spend with them.  Let's be honest, not every single minute...I do enjoy some peace!  But the time that is spent on my commute, the days that I don't see them at all, that time is the time I regret.  But for now, there really is nothing I can do about that time.  I have to live with it, for now.  Like the closing song in Avenue Q, "It's only for now".

Then there is the space in our relationship that is filled with rushing around, and frantic dinner times, and time outs, and tears.  This is the space between us.  The space where I'm on one side and they are on the other.  And they are only 3 and 4!!!  This space will grow as they do no doubt. The question is, will we just get used it? Will we all get better at it?  or Will it get worse?

Who knows. The space between me and my kids is full of obstacles, tangible and not, but we also have spaces full of love and laughs, of hugs and cuddles, of hope and faith.  And that's not only for now.

The Space Between..."pre k" and Pre-K

Yesterday was the first day of school. Luke's first day of PreK.
I'm totally fine. I didn't get weepy, I wasn't preoccupied with worry until I knew he was "home".
People kept asking me all day - how was I, did I cry. I've seen other mothers still teary eyed over an hour after drop off time. I was excited and marking in my heart the first of many "first days of school". But not super emotional...odd in hindsight because I do consider myself an emotional person. So I got thinking.
Think, think, think...as Winnie the Pooh would say. And here's what I keep coming back to -
I have pretty much always been a mother who works outside the home. (I hate the term working mother.)
I was working retail part time from the time Luke was about 6 months old until just before I found out I was pregnant with Megan. I was home for my whole pregnancy with Megan, but got a part time job when she was 2 and a half months old - and I've been there ever since - but now full time. And not even that - my job is 45 minutes away. I leave before 8am and am never home before 6pm. Back to emotional separations though.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm used to leaving my kids places. Not only that - my kids are used to be shuffled around and every morning they ask, "where are we going?" or "who will we see today?"
Pre - pre K, I felt minimally guilty. This week - with about 16 years of first days of school ahead of me (not to mention - sports, concerts, conferences, open houses, sick days, school vacations, etc.) the space between home and work seems to large, to full of things that shouldn't be as important as my kids. This week (and probably from now on)- I want that space diminished.

The Space Between...a dollar and a dream

For a four year old is...vast.

My four year old has a wallet, it was given to him as a gift. It contained a crisp new dollar bill.

A few days ago he happened across said wallet, very excited to have re-discovered it. He opened it, promptly removed the dollar bill and handed it to me. "Here mommy, I don't want this." I tried to explain that he should save it for later, that the purpose of a wallet is to hold money. I tried very briefly to make him see the value of this dollar he was so intent on getting rid of.

How foolish of me. A four year old doesn't need to be burdened with the fact that some paper is more valuable than other paper, and that someday he'll wish he had more dollars than he has. In that moment, that unwanted dollar became much more valuable to me than 100 cents...it gave me sense. And I hope the big picture that was revealed to me then, remains with me forever. Money is important...that is an unavoidable truth. But I'd like to maintain perspective, please. There are wonderful things in life that don't require money to experience.

I smiled at him. "Okay, buddy...let's go play..." And I pocketed the dollar and later took it upstairs to the "Dream Fund" jar...may it serve him well some day.