The Space Between..."pre k" and Pre-K

Yesterday was the first day of school. Luke's first day of PreK.
I'm totally fine. I didn't get weepy, I wasn't preoccupied with worry until I knew he was "home".
People kept asking me all day - how was I, did I cry. I've seen other mothers still teary eyed over an hour after drop off time. I was excited and marking in my heart the first of many "first days of school". But not super emotional...odd in hindsight because I do consider myself an emotional person. So I got thinking.
Think, think, think...as Winnie the Pooh would say. And here's what I keep coming back to -
I have pretty much always been a mother who works outside the home. (I hate the term working mother.)
I was working retail part time from the time Luke was about 6 months old until just before I found out I was pregnant with Megan. I was home for my whole pregnancy with Megan, but got a part time job when she was 2 and a half months old - and I've been there ever since - but now full time. And not even that - my job is 45 minutes away. I leave before 8am and am never home before 6pm. Back to emotional separations though.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm used to leaving my kids places. Not only that - my kids are used to be shuffled around and every morning they ask, "where are we going?" or "who will we see today?"
Pre - pre K, I felt minimally guilty. This week - with about 16 years of first days of school ahead of me (not to mention - sports, concerts, conferences, open houses, sick days, school vacations, etc.) the space between home and work seems to large, to full of things that shouldn't be as important as my kids. This week (and probably from now on)- I want that space diminished.

The Space Between...a dollar and a dream

For a four year old is...vast.

My four year old has a wallet, it was given to him as a gift. It contained a crisp new dollar bill.

A few days ago he happened across said wallet, very excited to have re-discovered it. He opened it, promptly removed the dollar bill and handed it to me. "Here mommy, I don't want this." I tried to explain that he should save it for later, that the purpose of a wallet is to hold money. I tried very briefly to make him see the value of this dollar he was so intent on getting rid of.

How foolish of me. A four year old doesn't need to be burdened with the fact that some paper is more valuable than other paper, and that someday he'll wish he had more dollars than he has. In that moment, that unwanted dollar became much more valuable to me than 100 cents...it gave me sense. And I hope the big picture that was revealed to me then, remains with me forever. Money is important...that is an unavoidable truth. But I'd like to maintain perspective, please. There are wonderful things in life that don't require money to experience.

I smiled at him. "Okay, buddy...let's go play..." And I pocketed the dollar and later took it upstairs to the "Dream Fund" jar...may it serve him well some day.

The Space Between...myspace and MY space

Is dangerous.
It's actually not just myspace. It's "social networking" - a blur of pictures, comments, statuses, pokes, and NO context. Photos posted that have captured a second of candid activity, that can in one second more cast an impression that hurts someone. A status or mood update that can be obsolete or even an all out lie a second later. A "super poke" that others view as super loaded with hidden meaning. Hidden friends, top friends, hottest friends - not really friends. And it's all there - for the world - or at least your "friends" to see.
Could be you catch wind of a gathering of friends you were not invited to, see photos that portray a friend or family member in a way you disapprove of...whatever.
I guess it comes down to how much stock you put in it. I have had several of these unpleasant online experiences lately and so I place great stock in them, right now. But really isn't the internet all about "right now" anyway? The trick is to not let myspace (or the like) pollute my space. I signed up for those sites in an effort to reconnect with old friends and share photos of my kids...I can do that without "social networking".
And so I'm done for now. It's time to let the space between myspace and my space grow bigger for a while.
And here's to filling that space, with quality, real things - not an abundance of virtual things.

The Space Between...me and the world

Is getting smaller.
I've been considering starting a blog for a few weeks. Ever since I had to write one for work actually. I could feel the benefit and the lift it gave me to share my thoughts, even if there was no guarantee anyone would read them. Plus the added bonus of being able to really think out what I'm going to say, be able to say everything I need to without being interrupted, and being able to take a thought to completion with out it turning into something about some one else. These thoughts all greatly appeal to me, so I thought I would give this a try.

I haven't even decided if I'm going to tell anyone it's out there yet.

I decided to call it "The Space Between" because in so many ways I find myself walking a fine line in a space between two sides, or two things, or two thoughts. And so many times, when I get in the space between...I wish I could just stop for a minute and talk things out. Or on the other hand, I might observe the space between two things, or two ideas...and just need to get out how I feel about that stuff.

I'm not saying this blog is going to be mind blowing, or ground breaking, or earth shattering, or even interesting. It's something I'm trying as a form of expression and outlet and to help me navigate the spaces in my life.